On Loss and Grief: How to Help the Bereaved

Grief is a natural human emotion that manifests as a reaction to loss. It may be the passing of a loved one, the death of a beloved pet, the loss of a job, the breakdown of a marriage or even moving out. Helping the bereaved to cope with the loss is essential. Here’s what we can do.

Coping with a loss is not easy and the grieving process is never the same for the people who suffered the loss. While some may bounce back quickly, there are others who are not as resilient. Loss is excruciating especially if there is a strong bond between the lost loved one and the survivor. The greater the bond, the greater the pain.

There are several stages of grief that the bereaved undergoes. This is according to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist who developed the theory of the five stages of grief. The five distinct stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

These stages may not manifest exactly in the order mentioned. Other feelings may surface after going through these stages of grieving. For the survivor, the duration of grieving can last for several months or a year or two. They may also move in and out of these stages at different times. If you or your loved one is experiencing the grieving process longer than it should, a professional counselor might be able to assist you through the process.

How to provide support to the bereaved

There are many ways you can offer support or assist the survivor. You can send cards or flowers, prepare food, help with household chores, care for the children or offer financial help. We can also consider the following.

Be present. You don’t have to talk or listen nor do they want you to. Your being there for them is enough.

Don’t try to hasten or quell their emotional expression by telling them not to cry or not to think about it. Loss is an emotional event. Holding back tears doesn’t make the pain disappear, it only drives them deeper. Allow them to experience the full range of their emotions, including anger and bitterness. Let them process their grief in their own time.

Don’t patronize them by claiming to know how they feel. You don’t. Don’t try to force them to talk or share feelings when they’re not ready to do it yet. Instead, be patient and understanding and respect their choice.

It’s okay to mention the deceased person’s name or share some fond memories in the presence of the bereaved. It is natural and acceptable to bring them into conversations since they’re also likely to be thinking about their loved one, too.

Don’t force them into letting go and moving on from grieving. Remember, grieving takes time and is a process. Allow them to endure the process and take their time as much as they need to. Just be there for them as they go through it.

If the grieving person has been experiencing depression, suicidal tendencies, and anxiety, seek professional help. They’re more adept and are trained to handle these cases.